Le coq et la poule

UNE POULE POND UN OEUF D´UN DEMI KG.

TOUTE LA PRESSE SE BOUSCULE POUR SAVOIR PAR QUEL MIRACLE CELA S´EST PRODUIT.

LA QUESTION POSÉE: QUELS SONT VOS PLANS POUR L´AVENIR.?

- UN OEUF D´UN KG. REPOND LA POULE.

ALORS TOUT LE MONDE SE BOUSCULE AUTOUR DU COQ, QUTEUR DU FUTUR MIRACLE.

QUEL EST VOTRE SECRET, COMMENT ET QUE COMPTEZ VOUS FAIRE???

- CASSER LA GUELE A L´AUTRUCHE....

And They Ask Why I Like Retirement !

Question: How many days in a week?
Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday

Question: When is a retiree's bedtime?
Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.

Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb?
Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.

Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees?
Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done. --Absolutely true! How did I ever find time to work?

Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors?
Answer: The term comes with a 10% percent discount.

Question: Among retirees what is considered formal attire?
Answer: Tied shoes.

Question: Why do retirees count pennies?
Answer: They are the only ones who have the time.

Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?
Answer: NUTS!

Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.

Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?
Answer: Normal .

Question: What is the best way to describe retirement?
Answer: The never ending Coffee Break.

Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?
Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.

Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?
Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.

My favorite one:
QUESTION: What do you do all week?
Answer: Mon to Fri. Nothing, Sat & Sun I rest!

Share this one with all the retirees that you know. I'm sure they can relate to some of them! AND, If you have not yet retired, look what you have to look forward to.

Victor & Emmy à Algarve - Février 2008

Mission impossible

HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia , formerly known as California. White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language The Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock. A Baby was conceived naturally! Scientists are stumped. Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage. Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels. France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica. No other country will come forward to help the beleaguered nation! Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking. George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036. Postal Service raises the price of a first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only. 85-year, $ 75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs. Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Mexifornia and Florexico . Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut. Abortion clinics now available in every H igh School in United States. Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR even though gas is selling for 4532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays. Massachusetts executes the last remaining conservative. Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights. Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches. New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2030 . IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent. Florexico voters still having trouble with their voting machines.

Difficile d'être un mannequin